Epic Seven

Sajuuk

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Sajuuk

EPIC SEVEN: A Beautiful Disaster That Wastes Your Time

OVERVIEW

After sinking an embarrassing amount of hours into Epic Seven across multiple s (what was I thinking?), I can confidently say this game perfectly exemplifies everything wrong with modern gacha games. Sure, it looks really pretty - congratulations on that bare minimum achievement - but underneath that pretty face lies a soul-crushing experience that seems deliberately designed to waste your time and empty your wallet.

WORLD BUILDING & SETTING

Oh, so you want to hear about the world of Orbis? Let me tell you about this "deep" setting:

- A seventh world concept that COULD have been interesting if they didn't butcher it with inane dialogue and annoyingly odd storyline reveals.

- Political "intrigue" that has all the depth of a puddle

- Character motivations straight out of "Baby's First Anime Plot"

- A promising premise that they somehow manage to squander at every turn

Seriously, how do you mess up something with this much potential?

VISUAL DESIGN & GRAPHICS

Fine, let's talk about the ONE thing they didn't completely botch:

- The Yuna Engine's animations are ittedly gorgeous.

- Character designs that are clearly where ALL the budget went

- Flashy animations and special effects that you'll see approximately 1 million times and want to eventually turn off...except they're also one of the highlights of the game.

- Beautiful backgrounds you'll barely notice after a while

- A clean UI that at least makes it easier to see how they're trying to drain your resources

- At least it's pretty while it's stabbing you in the back.

COMBAT SYSTEM

Don't get me started on the "strategy":

- Speed meta so oppressive it makes you question why other stats even exist

- New heroes that are either broken beyond belief or dead on arrival

- Power creep so aggressive it makes Dragon Ball Z look tame

- PvP where you're required to know all the skills and abilities of all the heroes in order to successfully counter your opponents hero choices and meta that changes every time they need to sell a new unit

- "Complex mechanics" that usually boil down to "go first and go fast or die"

- Artifact system that would be great if you could actually get the artifacts you need

CHARACTER PROGRESSION

Here's where the game really shows its true colors:

- RNG so brutal it makes Vegas slot machines look generous

- Gold costs that make you wonder if they think we're printing money

- Molagora system that might as well be labeled "monthly subscription fee"

- Catalyst farming that feels like a second job you have to pay to do

- Specialty changes that test the limits of human patience

- Inventory space clearly designed by someone who hates organization

STORY ELEMENTS

The narrative is... well:

- In movie script writing (and often in novels) characters never say anything that doesn't drive the plot forward or reveal something important about a thing or person.

Epic7 writers seem to not know this, and so we get:

- Main story pacing that rivals a drunk snail

- Side stories ranging from "mildly interesting" to "why do I bother?"

- Character development apparently written by a random plot generator...wait, what development?

- Dialogue that's often so inane it makes soap operas look sophisticated. Seriously. No really.

- More abandoned plot threads than my grandmother's sewing box...or is that just me not being able to keep track of all the unnecessary crap?

CONTENT & FEATURES

Look at all this "content":

- Hunt grinding that makes you question your life choices

- Stamina system that's fine for dailies but if you want to grind you could easily run out

- Guild wars that somehow manage to be both stressful AND boring

- Arena that's about as balanced as a one-legged chair

- Events that are just reskins of the same three formats

- Labyrinth runs that feel like navigating through bureaucratic red tape

- End-game content that's basically "do the same thing but with bigger numbers", a problem most games have.

Sound Design

The audio is...decent enough.

- Voice lines that are not too repetitive

- Music that becomes white noise after hour 2 unless you select different albums to play. Assuming you like the alternatives of course

- Sound effects that eventually lose all meaning

FREE-TO-PLAY BALANCE

Let's talk about this joke of a monetization system:

- Moonlight heroes? More like "mortgage your house" heroes

- Gear RNG designed to make pack purchases feel like sweet relief

- Stamina system apparently designed by mobile gaming Satan. Ok it's not toooo bad.

- Galaxy bookmarks about as common as unicorn sightings

- "Competitive" PvP that's essentially a wallet-measuring contest

- Pack prices that make you wonder if they accidentally added an extra zero

- Is it Pay to Win? Yes, although it is somewhat free to play if you have the patience of a Saint and the attention span of an Obsessive Compulsive.

ROOM FOR GROWTH

Where do I even begin?

- The gear system needs to be thrown out and completely rebuilt. Seriously, it's RNG is wildly random and making your own equipment is not rewarding unless you're lucky and score great results.

- Moonlight heroes might as well be labeled "whale bait"

- New player experience was about as welcoming as a cactus handshake until the latest update

- End-game content apparently means "do the same things but longer"

- RNG that makes you question probability itself

- Balance updates that don't ways balance

FINAL THOUGHTS

Epic Seven is what happens when you give incredible artists free rein and then let Satan design the gameplay systems. It's a stunning example of how to take a great concept and systematically ruin it with predatory monetization and soul-crushing RNG. Sure, it looks amazing, but so does a beautifully decorated prison cell.

Score Breakdown: 6.5/10

- Visuals: Annoyingly Perfect 9/10

- Gameplay: Feels more like a job 6/10

- Story: Somehow Both Boring and Frustrating 7/10

- Sound: It Exists and is OK-ish 7.5/10

- Value: HAHAHAHA 5/10

*Perfect For:* Masochists with unlimited credit cards, people who hate having free time, people who suffer from OCD and those who enjoy watching beautiful things slowly crush their soul.

*Warning:* That honeymoon period? It's a trap. It's ALL a trap.

*Pro Tip:* If you absolutely ins ist on playing this beautiful disaster, at least reroll for meta units so you can delay the inevitable frustration by about two weeks.

Posted on 11/13/2024611 Views